Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Television's top hosts used the evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's just launched immigration initiative, labeled the "golden visa," portraying it as a blatant cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday tune about the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he touches."

The focus was the new program which permits foreign citizens to purchase U.S. legal status for the price of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for five million. An official page guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick message for you to wealthy foreigners: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"Unprecedented screening the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to discuss prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting conservative media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.